Power 5 week 5 recap: The loss of defensive innocence
By: The Waco Kid
A plague has been sweeping through the nation, decimating college football games, from South Bend, IN through Chapel Hill, NC and down into Tuscaloosa, AL. Symptoms include defenses stopping in their tracks, players forgetting their duties in coverage, defenders losing their ability to tackle, and finally offensive coordinators imposing their will on any and every defense. There has been a nationwide outbreak of what we here at B&S like to call Art Briles syndrome. For years this disease hindered the Big 12’s ability to play defense, and allowed Briles to execute on opponent after opponent by putting up more points than imaginable. The nation thought the illness was contained within the conference; However, it seems as though, just like Baylor offenses of days past, it has broken out.
Photo: Michael Bancale, Waco Tribune Herald
Jokes on you now!
Alabama, Arkansas, and Florida’s defense dropped the ball (don’t pretend like you didn’t just read that to the tune of Home by Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeros). This past weekend there were 21 defenses in Power 5 conferences that gave up 30 points or more. This included nine from the SEC, nine from the ACC, and three from the Big 12. These defensive efforts have truly been a tragedy, the likes of which we have not seen since the days of Shakespeare. Defenses rooted in their storied history were taken out back and put to rest by the likes of #LaneTrain, #MackAttack, #SwinneyTodd, #SmartDawgs, and #IfIToldYouWeWereGoodI’dBeEliah.
I will briefly touch on some of the SEC games since most have already been covered on B&S. There were just a few games that need to be brought back to light because of how bad the defenses played. ALABAMA gave up 48 points and 647 total yards to Ole Miss, in a 63-48 shootout. And on the flipside, do you know how bad your defense has to be if your offense scores 48 points and you still lose? Lane Kiffin does. Kirby Smart and the Georgia offense started off slow against Tennessee, going into halftime with a 4 point deficit, however the Dawgs were unchained and scored 27 unanswered points in the second half to send the Vols back over the Smoky Mountains with a 44-21 loss. New Mizzou head coach Eliah Drinkwitz led his Tigers into a Carole Baskin style cat fight and stunned LSU, 45-41. Keep in mind these are some of the supposed best defenses in college football giving up more points than James Harden does on the hardwood.
Harden with a textbook defensive stand.
The ACC provided a couple of top 25 matchups as well for some exciting conference play (and more lack of defense). #1 Clemson hosted the #7 Miami Hurricanes at Memorial Stadium for what seemed to be a marquee matchup of the week. D’Eriq King looked to lead the ‘Canes into Death Valley and take back the ACC after it had been held captive in South Carolina for the past few years. Yeah, that dream lasted a whole five minutes before Clemson scored and never looked back. King’s air attack was lackluster to say the least, he threw for a mediocre 121 yards and two interceptions, however he was able to run for 84 yards and a score. Meanwhile, Clemson’s offense ripped the Turnover Chain right off of Miami's neck, paving the way for the double Ts to burst out onto the scene. Trevor Lawrence lit up the sky like a Katy Perry song on the fourth of July, throwing for 292 yards and three touchdowns. While Travis Etienne took care of business on the ground, rushing for 149 yards and two scores, leaving the ‘Canes in a path of their own destruction. We still have yet to see a worthy adversary even come close to taming this two headed beast.
The #19 Virginia Tech Hokies traveled to Chapel Hill, NC to take on Mack Brown’s #8 ranked Tar Heels. Luckily, I chose Michael Carter as one of my Draft Kings running backs for the week as he ram-stomped the Hokies, rushing for 214 yards and 2 touchdowns on only 17 carries. The #MackAttack was also led by quarterback Sam Howell, who threw for 257 yards and 3 more scores. It must have been opening day for bird season, because the Hokies were scrambling around and dropping left and right. But, there were some positives for Virginia Tech. In yet another game where defense did not matter, they were able to put up 45 points against the #8 team in the nation, but the Tar Heels ultimately won, 56-45 . The Tar Heels will look to strut through the rest of the season unopposed until a November 27th matchup with Notre Dame. The late great Florida State had the honor of playing that Fighting Irish team this past Saturday. In South Bend, there was a real Leprechaun sighting by Florida State students as documented below.
Amateur sketch, artist unknown
That leprechaun magic helped Ian Book and Kyren Williams send the Seminole players back to Tallahassee wishing they had committed to literally any other program. Book threw for 201 yards and 2 touchdowns, while Williams rushed for 185 yards and another 2 scores. Did we expect Florida State’s defense to play well? No, but we didn’t expect for Notre Dame to give up 26 points to a team averaging 11.5 points per game against Power 5 opponents. Apparently, even the luck of the Irish could not stop the spreading of Art Briles Syndrome.
Finally, we must address patient 0, the Big 12. We all know there was only one game that mattered in the conference this week. I will give you a hint, it was neither the Kansas State nor Iowa State game, even though it looks like these might be two of the teams in the running for a conference title. Kansas State did beat TCU 21-14, thrilling I know, and Iowa State sent Tech back to Lubbock with another loss, winning 31-15. Moving on to the main event, the Red River Rivalry, something that my mom and sister used to warn me about every month. This historic event takes place in Dallas, where the overranked faithful gather to enjoy a matchup between the Texas Longhorns and the Oklahoma Sooners. Most years this game would determine the winner of the Big 12, however this year it determines which team will be playing in the Cheez It Bowl come December 26th.
It was a highly anticipated matchup showcasing the Longhorns’ “Superman” Sam Ehlinger and that nope rope from across the way, Spencer Rattler. Ehlinger leads a team that relies on him to carry it, while Rattler leads a team that prays he does not throw the ball in the fourth quarter. We were definitely in for a no defense, offensive showdown, and they did not disappoint. Ehlinger threw for 287 yards, two touchdowns, and two interceptions, while rushing for 112 yards and 4 touchdowns, doing all of the work for the Horns. Rattler threw for 209 yards, 3 touchdowns, and one interception. The Sooners took a 31-17 lead in the third quarter but allowed Texas to score back to back touchdowns in the fourth, sending the game to overtime. Ehlinger willed his team through three overtimes but was unable to finish off the Sooners, throwing an interception to end the game 53-45. This win could catapult Oklahoma into an upward trajectory but is it too little, too late for a two loss Sooner team? Texas will give the bird to the rest of the country as they can no longer stay overrated and a part of the top 25.
When Texas is not actually back.
The eyes of Texas are upon you, Tom Herman.
Cue Sarah McLachlan music, college football teams please play defense going forward and we can finally put an end to Art Briles Syndrome.
See you on the couch next week.