Lubbock, Texas: A B&S Special Investigation
By: The Waco Kid
If van Gogh used photoshop, we think it would look like this.
With the national spotlight shining on new Mississippi State Head Coach Mike Leach, one might wonder where this fun-loving charismatic guy came from. Well it’s not all jokes and laughter in Leach’s past. What if I told you that there is a place, a place where dark secrets are taken out into the deserted plains of the Llano Estacado and buried deep below the surface? This place is Lubbock, Texas home of Texas Tech University and a place where there are no skeletons in the closet, those skeletons have been left in the arid terrain to all but disappear from existence. Today we will explore Texas Tech’s controversial coaches and whether it is the culture of this school that changes good people or perhaps something more sinister lurks awaiting coaches in this forgotten West Texas town.
Before the Pirate Ship Captain Mike Leach of today showed up in Starkville, he was a man who spent nine years coaching the Red Raiders under the Texas sun, boiling from the heat. During his time in Lubbock, he became the winningest head football coach in Texas Tech history but was also plagued by the strange behavior that has both endeared him and alienated him among players and fans. From locking players in sheds to giving peculiar dating assistance to freshmen on how to figure out if a woman is a slob or how to use bizarre looking characters as conversation starters, this did not seem like the same man speaking after Mississippi State’s upset over LSU. After Tech administrators learned of Leach’s wild behavior they came in, Guns Up, and fired the disgruntled coach.
Mike Leach then found himself in Pullman, Washington coaching the Washington State Cougars. It was here Leach began his road to recovery after almost a decade of experiencing extreme cabin fever. A pivotal turning point was his bestowing the best wedding advice for men ever given. Leach was finally returning to a man respected by all humanity. One specific oddity during his time in Pullman was Leach’s response to an interview asking him about bigfoot and aliens. Was this all hypothetical or were the glowing lights at night and the Mars-like emptiness and terrain of his former employer’s town causing some sort of PTSD and flashbacks of alien type existence?
Leach was just the tip of the iceberg as we dug deeper and uncovered more and more fragmented bones hidden in the bare outskirts of Lubbock. Remember legendary basketball coach Bob Knight? While at Tech, he was cited on multiple occasions for his bizarre behavior. Knight threatened to fight a general manager of Houston’s Compaq Center over a comment the coach made stating the locker room “would have been very, very cramped for four midgets”.
On top of his profanity ridden tirades and verbal spats with the school chancellor, Knight struck a player on the chin. When asked about the new Indiana University head coach being fired, Knight verbally harassed his former employer, Indiana University’s athletic director, saying that he “didn’t know his ass from third base.”
Then there was Tommy Tuberville, Tuberville led the Auburn Tigers’ football team to SEC relevance and an SEC championship before leaving and becoming the head coach at Texas Tech. During his tenure in Lubbock, he was sued for investment fraud and struck a graduate assistant in the head, on the sidelines, during a game. He is now running for U.S. Senate in Alabama and will likely be the next U.S. Senator from the state - how freaking crazy is that? Tuberville’s replacement, Kliff Kingsbury fared no better, as he mistakenly thought he could, in fact, hit the dougie. He in fact, could not.
“I should have just Supermanned that hoe”
The trend of insanity and violence continued with two more head coaches.
Billy Gillispie was the Tech men’s basketball head coach for a year and a half. In that time he astonishingly managed to be reprimanded for exceeding practice times and was accused of abusive behavior towards his players. In an impressive display of leadership, fifteen players departed from the university prematurely, along with two strength coaches and two directors of basketball operations due to Gillispie’s unusual coaching habits and behavior. Women’s basketball head coach Marlene Stollings was also accused of abusive and inexplicable behavior towards the players on her team. She was quoted as calling players “fat pigs” and “disgusting” while trying to elevate their heart rates with unnecessary cardio. Stollings was kindly booted to the street by the program almost two months ago. Does everyone who goes through Lubbock lose their damn minds?
When we reached out for comment, we were unable to retrieve any responses from these former Tech coaches due to the lack of information in the yellow pages and inefficiencies in cold calling. We did however solicit a political texting service in hopes of blasting their phones. We will report back.
Students that were asked what they thought about Texas Tech and Lubbock responded, in their best Harvard imitation, “It’s a dope place to live.” So maybe, just maybe, it is only the coaches' burden to deal with the demons born out of this West Texas town. Whether it be the swift wind ripping across the southern plains, the stifling heat barreling down on all who walk outside, driving the brightest people senseless, or possibly the haunted spirits of the indigenous people of Lubbock cursing those who coach at the school erected on their land, we can all agree there is something eerie prowling the wide open spaces of the West Texas plains.
Good luck to head football coach Matt Wells as he embarks on this dangerous journey and buyer’s beware, if you are looking to coach at the collegiate level, Lubbock may be your last stop on the sane train. Mike Leach is the only man to make it out alive, and he’s a pirate.