The Deep South’s Oldest Column: Juice boxes for all: In search of a player’s coach
Coaching our youth is essential. And to some degree, we’ve lost the “player’s coach.” It’s time to highlight the coaching gap, while highlighting some pillars of the profession, both well-known and unknown.
By: Dr. B
Oh, the days of youth sports...those of us that played no doubt remember them. The thrill of putting on a freshly washed jersey that was two times too big for us, the joy of traveling to “away” games in car pools with our best friends. Athletics indeed at their purest! Competition was fun and our coaches, usually armed with a clipboard and a whistle and most likely a buddy’s father, yelled encouragement to us on the field even if we were getting destroyed. Depending on how competitive we were, the game was important, yet it was always tons of fun as we competed and laughed simply because we could. Most importantly, after the handshake and post-game “rah-rah” speech from our coaches about how great we all did despite the 12-0 loss, we would embrace the most important aspect of the afternoon...the post-game thrill of the snack and a juice box...nothing could top that juice box, as we left every game feeling good about life as we played because we wanted to. No matter the score, we were masters of the athletic universe.
We then entered middle school, and the competition became a bit more intense. Practices were more organized and we were introduced to something called conditioning. Unlike today, the majority of us played a lot of different sports and we just loved being out there with our buddies. We wanted to win, and our chances were better if we were blessed with a “man-child” on the team...you know, the 7th grade kid who had his growth spurt early and his 6’ frame towered over everyone else, as the majority of us were lucky to push 5’1’. Playing time started to be based on ability, and it was still so much fun being a part of a team. Our coaches were a little more intense, but they were still great. Oftentimes, they were local teachers or dads that had experience playing the sport we were playing, and they laughed and joked with us during good times and the hard ones. If we were lucky, our local public or private school fielded middle school teams and we felt the pride of playing for our schools, and we loved it when the older kids from the high school teams came out and supported us. They, along with our coaches, were our idols growing up. And once again, despite the score, our coaches made us feel like we were the masters of the athletic universe.
And then we started to play in high school, and it was serious business. We were the pride of our community and we participated first on a freshman team, unless you were good enough and moved up to the junior varsity squad. We learned schemes and systems, yet it was still fun. Our coaches were our P.E. teachers or our history teachers, and we loved it when we were able to steal a part of class by talking about the upcoming season or game. As we moved up the ladder, it became more intense and we learned what it was like to work hard, play harder, and represent something far bigger than ourselves. If we were fortunate, we played for coaches that pushed us, demanded our very best, and were coaches who were totally dedicated to seeing us grow into young adults of integrity and character. These were the coaches kids wanted to play for, even if we were lousy at the sport. These coaches were all about us, the true definition of player’s coaches as we were their first priority...not the score or record, although the very best player coaches always seemed to have great success on the scoreboard. They made it fun and unique, so much so that we wept when our careers ended. Everyone who played or plays any sport deserves to have at least one coach that fits this description...one who made us feel, once again, like we were masters of the athletic universe like never before.
Good coaching can help kids see their potential and come together to achieve great things - like a dog pile after a conference championship!
I understand that there are plenty from my era that experienced something similar, where their coaches were their earthly heroes. Unfortunately, I don’t see a lot of that anymore. What the heck ever happened to the player’s coach? Where have they gone? Too often these days, we are hearing about how coaches at all levels are all about the wins. Stories and claims of mistreatment and indifference by coaches towards athletes today is disturbing, and the trend seems to be continuing on every level. Players have too often become commodities and the player coach is now a rarity.
It may be just me, but It seems like more and more of my students are spending an incredible amount of time and money with specialty trainers and on travel teams with coaches that don’t care about them as young people. Even worse, some coaches are promising everything under the sun to kids and parents (especially those parents that have unfulfilled athletic dreams of their own and are attempting to live their own lives through their kids...you know anyone like that?!?!), adding in an idle threat or two that states if kids don’t start specializing and being a part of their very expensive travel programs, they will be left behind (at 8 or 9 years old, by the way), and the young player will never catch up because every other kid their age who is serious about the sport is shelling out the time and money doing it. Basketball, volleyball, sadly lacrosse...they are all a part of this mix, and don’t get me started on baseball. The number of former students that were enticed by baseball programs and coaches promising them the stars yet delivering little to the masses is staggering, as the vast majority of players I knew have now burned out and want to have nothing to do with the game...what a shame. Our kids no longer feel like they are masters of the athletic universe, and forget the juice boxes altogether.
This is a hard time for us all, especially for kids, as they try to find their way in a really challenging world. Now more than ever, we need impactful coaches to help all kids who want to play sports navigate the world...and someday, we need them to help populate our beloved SEC teams in all sports with players of class and integrity who know how to persevere when things do not go their way. What kind of coach do I want for my kids? For students at my school? What sort of coach do they all deserve, that will inspire and motivate and help turn boys and girls into healthy young men and women?
This type of coach is hard to find in the college ranks, but they are there. I will take Dabo Swinney and his positivity, his emphasis on having fun, and the fact that he had a challenging childhood and had to overcome a lot in his personal life to get to where he is today. Give me Vanderbilt’s Derrick Mason and Stanford’s David Shaw, who are totally dedicated to the good of their players as student athletes and who coach at universities that take the academic side of the equation incredibly seriously. I’ll take Nick Saban’s legendary “process,” which teaches players that preparation and attention to detail create success on and off the field.
Photo: Joe Howell, Vanderbilt University
Vanderbilt’s Derek Mason is a man of character and one of the best “player’s coaches” in the game today.
Overall, I need my kids to experience coaches who can offer great confidence, inspire, who will keep my kids accountable while teaching them to be a young man and young lady of character. In different ways, Swinney, Mason, Shaw, and Saban are modern day player’s coaches who are having a positive impact on their players.
Player’s coaches are becoming very hard to find, but the good news for young parents is that they are out there. If we look hard enough, legendary, life-changing coaches who have overcome adversity and have the gift of reaching their players on a personal level are out there. I’ve known many great coaches that have done it right, and many who continue to try to do it right against the current tide, and it is time they get the recognition they deserve.
May I introduce you to a leader that is the true definition of a player’s coach? This coach’s life is an inspiration and she is one that actually breathes life into her players. She stands a mere 4’11’, yet if life’s trials and challenges qualifies one for stature, she would be among the giants. She has coached soccer, lacrosse, and despite the odds and the stereotypes that exist in this game in terms of female coaches, she was also a high school football coach.
My friend Karen has long been a pillar of courage and a leader of young men and women. A true player’s coach.
I met Karen almost thirty years ago when we counseled together at a Christian athletic camp in Western Pennsylvania. A track and field athlete at Purdue, I first met her as she stood in front of all of the counselors and told the true and tragic story about her fiancé, a residential advisor at Purdue University, who was killed by a freshman who the fiancé had caught with cocaine in his dorm room. I met her in the midst of tragedy, yet all of us were so impressed with her strength, her positivity in the midst of unreal tragedy, and her willingness to share her story.
Karen’s life didn’t stop there and she refused to be defined by her tragedy. She went on to earn a master’s degree in education at Michigan State where she became an intern as a strength and conditioning coach. Karen met a military man who would become her husband, started a family with three boys, and found a true passion in coaching and molding young lives through sports.
One of those experiences included a stint as a high school football coach in Texas, a state where the sport is serious business. Karen coached the wide receivers and defensive backs for three seasons and she became well-known and respected in the Texas football community for her ability to combine high expectations of her players while at the same time, looking out for them as people. Despite living in a coaching world that has yet to fully accept female coaches, Karen rose above the stereotypes and giggles from opponents and even officials to become a coach of deep impact. Karen demanded discipline and excellence from her players, and she earned the love and trust of all that played for her. Stated a former player: “Coach has influenced me most because she taught me the importance of hard work, the will to fight, and to never quit in sports or life.” Added another, “I never knew my potential physically until I met Coach. She opened my eyes to all the possibilities of my strength and what it could be. Besides physically, she set an example to me of what being a strong woman is.” Strong and inspiring testimony indeed for a coach that no doubt would have been first in line to offer her players a juice box after a game.
Always there for her players.
It’s hard to tell the story of Karen without mentioning her three sons. Sixteen year old Elijah and eleven year old twins Jaxson and Lagassee (Karen’s maiden name) are beyond impressive and are a true testament to their coach mom and military dad. Talking to the three boys reminded me of why I have great hope in the future generation. All three are mature beyond their years and are incredibly stable despite enduring seven moves throughout their lives to several states (Elijah is a junior in high school and started his third school in three years this past September and the twins are in fifth grade and are on school number four) and, I believe, are poised to have a positive impact on the world. I am most impressed with the fact that it’s quickly evident that they are each other’s biggest fans and they are not shy in expressing their brotherly love for one another. Even better, all three love football and lacrosse (two of my favorites...if they had added ice hockey, they would have hit the trifecta in my book), and all three have the ability to carry on an actual conversation with an adult. Impressive indeed!
When asked to describe their coach mom, words like “loving, faithful, intense, passionate, and crazy” spilled from their mouths. Parents of young ladies, these three boys are the type of guys we dream will fall for our daughters one day. SEC fans will be pleased to learn that their favorite college football team is none other than the Auburn Tigers, as their mom coached Daniel Carlson, the great AU placekicker who is now kicking for the Las Vegas Raiders, in high school and he has developed a bond with Karen’s kids that remain to this day.
Karen's central message as a mom and a coach is simple and clear...one worth emulating. She loves her kids and refuses to sacrifice her family for her job as a coach, so the boys have roamed the sidelines of her squads for years and have become honorary members of her teams. From a coaching standpoint, Karen states, “Coaches today have lost their focus and we have forgotten to allow kids to be kids. We need to reestablish a genuine joy for the sports we coach. While we demand a lot of our players, we need to love them better than ever before.”
Simply put, Karen is an example of what coaches could be and what they should be...and where we need to go in this profession. Seeking a player’s coach? They are out there. And as for me and my kids, I’ll take a David Shaw or a Coach Karen...yeah, that is who I want to coach my kids.
I am on a mission to find other player’s coaches like Karen who are making a true difference in the lives of kids. Do you have an example of a player’s coach that is bucking the trend and having an incredible impact on your community and kids? Do you know someone who has overcome adversity and is making a real difference in the lives of kids by teaching them how to overcome life’s challenges with integrity and class? Send us their names, what they coach, and how they are making an impact to contact@biscuitsandsec.com and we will share as many as we can in this column in the weeks to come. We are seeking player’s coaches to honor in the “Biscuits & SEC Coaches Hall of Fame,” and we are excited to give credit to some unsung heroes!
Juice Boxes for all.