Biscuits & SEC 14-in-14 guide
Your guide to our biscuits rating system. Is your team eatin’ good or breakin’ teeth on hardtack?
By: B&S Staff
In 2021 we started our 14-in-14 series, taking a deep look at each SEC program and where they stand in terms of overall program health. We took a hiatus in 2022, but we’re back with 14 teams in 14 days leading up to the first full Saturday of college football in Week 1.
Below is the guide to our biscuits ratings system, which can be used for reference as you read through our 14-in-14 series.
May the biscuits be ever in your favor.
Biscuits Rating Guide
1 biscuit: So damn dry it falls apart like you were a soldier in the Civil War eating hardtack, and it tastes like the dirt in grandma’s compost pile.
2 biscuits: It cannot get much worse; like a biscuit from a restaurant in the northeast, a true fraud.
3 biscuits: perennial bottom tier; burned nearly beyond recognition and better used as a hockey puck, sorrey!
4 biscuits: There’s not many worse than us...we’ve got a long way to go; Your third cousin sent some mix in the mail and you bake them, eat half of one, and throw out the tray.
5 biscuits: pretty dang burnt, but you can cut the top off and eat it like a silver lining. There’s a little hope.
6 biscuits: Right in the middle, there’s some hope, but it’s mostly bland; They look right, but they don’t taste like much.
7 biscuits: Ascending...the program has hope and momentum and has a shot to take a step up; There’s not much fast food around, so Burger King will have to do. It strives for the best, and with a few tweaks, it can be competing with the best.
8 biscuits: Nipping at the heels of the elite; McDonald’s did a damn good job this morning.
9 biscuits: Dark horse to win the conference; Pillsbury Golden Flaky layers. Very good, and with a few more layers would be elite.
10 biscuits: Top tier and feeling good. It won’t take much to take an SEC division title or the whole conference. This is Chick-Fil-A, it’s Saturday, and the minis are poppin’.
11 biscuits: Elite. Flip between one and two in your division each year and you aren’t going anywhere. You’re here to stay, like Hardee’s biscuits. Or Popeye’s. Or Bojangles.
12 biscuits: It doesn’t get any better than this...you’re a perennial power occupying rare air; It’s Christmas morning and Grandma just made her 100-year-old family recipe, and there are bacon and eggs, butter and jam. Choose your fighter.